During this season of Advent a curious thing has occurred:
my plans for Advent meditations here have crashed and burned.
If you have been wondering where I've been and why I have not blogged,
there's your answer.
I'm not sick
Yet....somewhere along the Advent way, I've lost my way ... in this seasonal celebration.
I can't fully explain it.
Part of the problem has been my technology.
About three weeks ago, my Mac had a nervous breakdown. That's what it looked like on the screen.
The official explanation (2 weeks later) is that its graphics card, logic board, la la la la la.....
At any rate, praise God, the Apple store fixed it FOC (that's "free of charge" for some of you).
The other thing is that Tozer and I got a spiritual divorce.
This Advent devotional just did not move me to deeper devotion at all.
I'm not blaming A.W. Tozer; I'm sure it's my fault as well.
As it is, I can't even find that book now. It is probably under Grandma Lois' recipe book.....
Such has been the way of my Advent.
For those of you who were hoping for profound, moving Advent meditations here at RDM blog,
If you will go back to the Advent seasons of 2014 and 2015, you will find what you seek.
As for me, I am going to try anew.
I found this prayer on the internet, a prayer that deeply pegs what I'm feeling at the moment.
If you feel like you have missed Advent thus far, maybe it will bless you too.
Halfway through Advent - have I missed it?
Dear Jesus,Dear Jesus, be the center of it all .... all that remains of this Advent and Christmas, all that remains of this year, of my life. Be the center! Amen.
It's halfway through Advent and I'm not sure what happened. I really wanted to make this a reflective and calm season, preparing for your birth and pondering how you came into this world in such a stunningly humble way. But it's so busy and I'm distracted and sometimes even short-tempered with those I love the most. Where are you in THAT?
I am discouraged and wish I could start over. But as I sit here in the rare moment of silence, I contemplate your birth. In a bed of straw, with the smell of manure everywhere. It's a mess in that stable ... and come to think of it, my life is a little messy, too. I suddenly see that it is not just into the mess of the stable but into my mess that you enter the world. You came into a humble place and that humility is often where I live my life - feeling guilty or distracted and wishing I were a better person. But if I stop thinking of myself and focus on you, I realize that there you are, waiting to love me, even though I have so many unfulfilled good intentions about prayer, so many desires of how to change this fleeting Advent season.
I can begin Advent today and make this season deeper by making room in my heart for you. I can take just a moment before I get out of bed in the morning and feel the empty place in my life I so often fill with my busy-ness. It is there I need you the most. Come, Lord Jesus. Come into that dark and lonely spot in my heart. You know what my needs are more than I do. Let me feel your love. If I only carry that thought with me each day, it will prepare me for Christmas.
Thank you, Jesus. It's not too late. You are waiting to enter my life today, where ever I let you in. Help me to open my heart in these remaining days.