What about older children, adult children - - are they required to obey their parents? What, then, does it mean to honor one's father and mother?
In Ephesians 6 Paul continues his admonitions concerning relationships of various kinds. Thus far, he has addressed relationships between us and our God, us and other brothers/sisters in the Lord, and our relationships with our husband or wife. Now, in chapter 6, he addresses children and parents.
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3 SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.
4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Speaking as a child of one living parent and also of a parent of two living children, this is a topic on which it is difficult to write. "I hate to use personal experience, but it's the only kind I've had." :)
Our attitudes toward this passage are no doubt colored by our own personal, family experiences. If you had a mean, dangerous, neglectful or otherwise unloving parent, those experiences will color your interpretation and govern your reaction toward Paul's words. If, on the other hand, you did not, but rather had a loving, nurturing godly parent, your reaction will be different. Similarly, if your children exhibited no more than the normal fractious behavior, but were generally obedient and respectful in your home, your reaction to this passage will be positive. If that was not the case, or if you have never had children, your impressions will be affected by your life experiences.
Even though these "family rules" of Paul's are applicable to all families, the underlying principle behind Paul's words is that they are being said to Christians, who are endeavoring to function in a godly manner in their families. So, Paul adds "in the Lord" to indicate that no family interactions should be contrary to the will of God, as revealed in Scripture. So, if your alcoholic parent told you to beat your sibling, and you disobeyed, you are not judged for your disobedience. Or, if your calling from the Lord does not set well with your parent, you should prayerfully consider your godly parent's opinion, and then go as the Holy Spirit leads you. Often He will lead us to see the wisdom of our parent's advice; other times we will realize that God's will lies elsewhere. Our allegiance to the Lord, and to His will, is greater than our allegiance to our parents and children. (Matthew 10:37 and 19:29)
However, the Bible is clear in its condemnation of those who neglect either or both. (1 Timothy 5:8)
I have some rather new friends who are retired foreign missionaries. Both their sets of parents are dead. The woman's parents died early, but the man's did not. Although these missionaries lived half-a-world-away, they made certain his parents were cared for. Our local church, one of our Sunday School classes, helped to look after and watch over his mother in her final days. Some would argue that, because he did not live next door or in the same town, he did not care for his mother. I would argue that he did care for her very well.
Paul says that children should obey their parents "for this is right". From Barnes Notes on the Bible:
For this is right - It is right:
(1) because it is so appointed by God as a duty;
(2) because children owe a debt of gratitude to their parents for what they have done for them;
(3) because it will be for the good of the children themselves, and for the welfare of society.
Well said. For millennia, civilized people have recognized that children are under the authority of their parents until they reach adulthood (until they are "adulting" as the current expression goes), and that they should therefore both obey and respect them while children are living at home and/or mom and dad are "footing the bills".
Even in adulthood, however, we are commanded to show honor and respect to our father and mother. I find it curious here that Paul specifically mentions both, as opposed to saying just "parents". Both are recognized by God as having distinct and crucial roles in the family, and both are deserving of honor.
Verse 4 gives the ultimate responsibility for the discipline in the home to the father, although the mother plays an important and supportive role. While both should establish order and maintain discipline, it is each father's duty to see that the children respect both him and their mother, and to ensure that children are treated respectfully as well. This does not give any parent, father or mother, permission to be a tyrant, but rather urges them to be disciplined, loving leaders of their children who administer order and correction in love.
Tomorrow, we'll explore the next verses....about "slavery", and it's modern-day application to us.
Father, I know all too well that this post and the last will pick at scabs in some cases. Many of us did not have happy home lives, either in the past or in the present. It seems that when Satan attacks, our most vulnerable spots are in our familial relationships. It is there that wounds are the most severe. I'm grateful that You are more powerful than any situation, that Your grace is greater than any broken relationship, and that Your forgiveness is complete. In Jesus' name, amen.
Source:
http://biblehub.com/commentaries/ephesians/6-1.htm
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