Knowing Our Place

When Bible teachers are led to teach on husband and wife relationships, they often use as their text our specific text for today:  Ephesians 5:22-33.  The apostle Peter also wrote about this topic, and in going through his letters just over a year ago here at the blog, I blogged about those relevant passages, as well as this one.  So, I'm not going to re-create, but instead am going to ... review, that is, borrow from myself for today's post.  :)

The basic concepts in this passage, applicable to all of us whether we're married or not, are "position", "authority" and knowing where we fit in.

When tackling this controversial Ephesians passage it is important to realize that the topic does not begin with verse 22.   It is part of a larger message Paul has been giving to the church on how to live well together, walking in the Holy Spirit.  So, let's frame today's specific text appropriately by adding on the preceding verse (vs. 21), (although it's part of a long typically-Pauline sentence that starts in vs. 18.)

18And do not get drunk with wine, which is debauchery, but be filled by the Spirit, 19speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, singing and making music in your hearts to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for each other in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,  

21and submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

{underlined emphasis above is mine}
It is important to remember that Jesus Christ modeled this "knowing your place" stuff for us.  (One specific example of this included His baptism, and another His prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane.) While in human form, Jesus subjected Himself, submitted Himself to God the Father.  He limited Himself through putting on flesh and living among us.  We need to follow his example in our resplendent walk.  God has given us various authorities to which we should be subject.  I'll bet you can name some of them. Here are a few, along with substantiating Scripture:

1.  Jesus submitting to the Father.  Luke 22:42
2.  Believers submitting to Father, Son and Holy Spirit, by being obedient to His Word revealed in the Bible.  James 4:7  1 Peter 5:6 
3.  Believers submitting to one another in their fellowship, interactions with one another.  Ephesians 5:21
4.  Slaves submitting to their masters.  Ephesians 6:5-8  (Modern-day application: the workplace)
5.  Obeying the laws and governing authorities of your homeland.  Romans 13:1  1 Peter 2:13
6.  Wives submitting to their husbands, and husbands loving their wives as Jesus loves His Church. Ephesians 5:22-25  1 Peter 3:1-6
7.  Children submitting to the authority of their parents.  1 Peter 5:5  Ephesians 6:1

Rarely is it easy to submit to authority, nor is it a popular theme in our culture today.  The opposite of submission is rebellion.  The reason for the vitriolic reaction "the world" has to these passages is because the unsaved have not yet gotten right the most important relationship of all - - - that is, their relationship with God.  Once that is made right, then God's design for other relationships can be understood and put into practice.  Rebellion against God and/or the authorities He has established is a product of self-centeredness and pride.  The apostle Peter warns us in 1 Peter 5:5 - - - 

"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another because, 'God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble."

This does not mean that we should be "doormats", allowing the world to trample all over us! Sometimes, our earthly authorities are plain-out wrong.  God does not say that we should violate His Word in submitting to those in authority over us.  But, as often as we can, we must obey the hierarchy He has established.

Today's specific application is in the home, however.  So, let's take a look at that in more depth.

22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, 23because the husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church – he himself being the savior of the body. 24But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 25Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her 26to sanctify her by cleansing her with the washing of the water by the word, 27so that he may present the church to himself as glorious – not having a stain or wrinkle, or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29For no one has ever hated his own body but he feeds it and takes care of it, just as Christ also does the church, 30for we are members of his body. 31For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. 32This mystery is great – but I am actually speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Crucial Point: both husband and wife must remember that they are co-heirs in the grace that is ours in Jesus Christ (Romans 8:17).  Husbands don't get a greater portion of that grace; neither do wives. Neither role is superior; both are necessary.

Husbands:

• love your wives in the same manner that Christ loves His Church.  This implies tremendous sacrifice, giving her your whole heart.  A husband who does this will rarely have to remind his wife of her role.
• nourish and cherish your wives, in order to help them grow deeper into their relationship with Jesus; celebrate the ways your wives are different from you and how they complement you.
• let your highest earthly loyalty be to your wife; don't let anyone or anything get between you, including parents, children, friends or activities.  Wives need to feel secure in your love, that you esteem her above everyone else and that she can trust you to care for her.

Wives:

• recognize that your husbands are the leaders of your homes.  When agreement cannot be achieved, defer to your husbands' authority.  This is part of respecting your husbands. Sometimes, in hindsight both of you will realize that the husband was right.  Other times, he will be proven wrong.  That is not the point.  No one "bats 1000".  Regardless, your husbands, in order to properly fulfill their roles as leaders MUST have your respect.  It is their #1 need from you.
• live a life of holy beauty (1 Peter 3:1-6)
• be responsive to their needs.  Let me just put it plain as the wife of a happy husband.  Men who have their physical needs taken care of are happy husbands.  So, keep them well-fed and happy in bed.  Make your home a place they want to be, and the godly husband will not want to wander.

For those of us who live in the "modern" Christian age, we take a healthy marriage relationship model for granted.  What we fail to realize is that this teaching from Paul was revolutionary to the early-Christian world. Except for the Jewish people, who generally treated wives with care (although there were exceptions), the majority of the world viewed women as the possessions of men.  They were esteemed lower than the male children of the family.  The gospel of Jesus Christ has been the greatest civilizing force of the past 2000 years, and women have the gospel to thank for their "advancement" in the USA and in the West.

I am not a perfect wife, nor is my husband a perfect husband.  However, both of us do our best to follow the model presented in these passages.  I know that, at times, this has been difficult for both of us.  My personality is quite strong, and it is a work of God in my heart to let my husband lead.  Like God, my husband is naturally very loving toward me, even when I am "unlovely".  We have extremely different approaches to solving problems.  We have different needs.  It is amazing that God put two such different people together.  But, through us, His supernatural grace is revealed to our children and to the world.   What a blessing to be able to show to an unbelieving world a microcosm of how Jesus Christ loves His Church!

Good morning, Lord!  Thank you for the clear instructions You have given to us, regarding how to build godly families.  Please do a mighty work in our hearts, as it is only through mutual selflessness from the Holy Spirit that such a beautiful picture of Christ and His Church can be achieved.  In Jesus' name, amen.