Bless and Lighten

Romans 12:15 is a study in extremes: the "happy, happy, happy" of life versus the "I can barely go on".  Paul urges us to "Ceeeeeellllllebrate good times, come on!"  (You're welcome.  I'm sure that song will be stuck in your head for a while...)  That is, when our friends, family and acquaintances are on the mountaintops of life, we are to be happy with them.  Not so difficult, right?  Most of us love a party, joyful occasions..."good times".

Then, there's the flip side...anxiety, depression, mental illness, any type of physical illness, financial ruin, loss of a loved one...all of these cause mourning or weeping.
We can more or less ignore adversity, such as the fact that death is a reality of life, until it smacks us right in the face.  Then, we often don't know how to help each other.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Romans 12:15 (NET)

In 1992, my aunt wrote a book1.  It chronicled her personal experiences caring for her mother-in-law who died of dementia and her father-in-law who died of cancer, but also the experiences of others in similar circumstances. On a front page, she dedicated the book first to her beloved husband and then said this: "To the glory of God, I also dedicate this work, praying it will bless and lighten the load of some worn caregiver."  

How to lighten the load of someone going through the throes of something horrible?  For many of us, our first tendency is to "stay away", and sometimes that is appropriate.  A beloved uncle is currently in hospice care.  He has many, many admirers, all of whom would love to visit.  But, he is simply too sick to bear it.  Visits at this time would not "lighten his load".

Almost always, though, it lightens the load of a friend or loved one to let them know you care.  For instance, outside that same uncle's room is a small whiteboard where messages can be left, and many have been.  Basically, we need to find the most meaningful way to say, "You are important to me, and my heart is beating in tune with yours."

About the worst choice is to ignore a difficult situation and leave the person in the middle of it, feeling alone and unloved.  If you are like me, you fear you'll say the wrong thing.  What we need to remember is that the words themselves are not the most important thing!  Our presence or our gesture, with very few words, speak volumes.  It is important to prayerfully approach each situation individually, and try to say or do what is going to help the most. Always pray over how to best bless those who rejoice or weep. And then, do something.  Even if it is initially misinterpreted, it will later be appreciated that you took the time and effort to try to help.

Also, remember that people who are rejoicing OR suffering may not "properly appreciate" your efforts.  At these times, folks are often "not themselves", as we say in the South.  So, don't take it personally if you don't get the reaction you expected.  Just be patient with them, and keep on loving them as they walk through good times and bad.

How do you like to be supported in times of deep grief?  Feel free to comment in the comments section of today's post!

Father, I bless Your great name, because You are ever-present with us in both our joys and sorrows. Still, you have given Your children to each other to be Your "hands and feet" during these times as well.  We can be "little Christs" (Christians!) to those who are rejoicing or suffering, and in this way most clearly show the love of our Savior, to someone who desperately needs that love.  Show us how, Holy Spirit! In Jesus' name, amen.

Source:

 Sisk, Ginny. This Too Shall Pass: Being a Caregiver for the Elderly. Nashville, TN: Broadman, 1992. Print.