Heart of My Own Heart

I didn't really want to go to church today.  I didn't "feel" like worshipping.
Now, that's honest, isn't it?
The reality is that my family has lost three loved ones in the space of one month - - - first my godmother, then my uncle and just yesterday, my husband's dear friend of over 45 years.
He was less than 3 years older than me and died of a sudden, massive heart attack.
Devastated.

But, like good little Christians, we hauled ourselves out of our heartbreak...and went.
Of course, we received a blessing from being with the people of God, hearing a wonderful sermon titled, "The Blood of Jesus", sharing The Lord's Supper, and ... yes, worshipping in giving tithes and making music.

It was actually the last that ministered to my heart the greatest today, and I say that without a speck of diminishment of the rest of the morning.  One of the songs we sang together in worship was "Be Thou My Vision".  In one of the last verses, the words say this - - -

Heart of my own heart whatever befall

Be Thou my vision, O Ruler of All!

"Heart of my own heart" - - - that phrase has been resonating around in my heart the rest of the day.
Jesus IS that to me.  No matter what comes my way, no matter what death may attempt to steal from me, Satan in all his schemes cannot take HIM away from me.  Never.  He is and will always be "heart of my own heart".

"Whatever befall" - - - it has felt like a whole lot of "whatever befall" has happened to me and my loved ones lately.  After my uncle's death I asked the sweet Lord to give me "a breather".  But, then I saw Nabeel Qureshi's latest blog post, in which he said that the radiation treatment for his very far-gone stomach cancer had little to no effect.  (Not stopping my prayers for that little bro, though, because my God can do anything, even reverse advanced cancer.)
And, then, the next day, our friend dropped dead....

Is my faith strong enough for "whatever befall"?  No.Flippin'.Way!
But, my Savior is strong enough.  Not only is He strong enough...He IS enough, now and forever.

"Be Thou my vision" connotes keeping my eyes fixed on Him.  I think about Peter, seeing Jesus walking across the top of the waves (wave-skimming!) during the horrible storm that had suddenly come up on the Sea of Galilee on that dark night.  Peter impulsively (of course!) asked Jesus if he could walk across the waves to meet Him.  Surprisingly, Jesus said, "yes".

You see, I would have said, "No, Dumbbutt!  Stay in that boat, for God's sake!  What in the WORLD are you thinking?"  But Jesus...oh Jesus is always willing to let us exercise our faith.  That's how it grows stronger, you know, through exercise.  He allowed Peter to exercise his faith in Jesus to carry him through that storm, and as long as Peter kept his eyes firmly fixed on Him, he didn't sink.  He went wave-skimming too....
When we do that, keep our eyes on Him and our hearts near His, we realize how very much He loves us and how He is Sovereign.

"O Ruler of All" - - -

This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

Psalm 18:30 (ESV)

The LORD is righteous in all His ways And kind in all His deeds.

Psalm 145:17 (NASB)

His way is perfect.  Perfect! And KIND?!?! ... OH, how hard that is to embrace in times of loss and grief and confusion and, yes, some anger.  Perfect . and . kind.

He is our Shield, because nothing, absolutely NOTHING touches His beloved, without His permission.  Of that, we can be sure.  He is never out of control, never wrong, never careless of us or dismissive.

He is deliberately Sovereign, our Lord, Master, Ruler, whose ways and methods and happenings are all intended for the good of those who love Him and who hide themselves under His wings in times of trouble.

No greater love than this... No greater love than His.

https://youtu.be/GzfPHnoT0-0


Source:

"Be Thou My Vision"
http://hymnary.org/text/be_thou_my_vision_o_lord_of_my_heart