As we continue our journey through 1 Peter, we see 3:7. Now, what have we seen prior to this? Commands as to how Christians are to operate in the public square, interact with their governments, obey their masters (bosses), and in the last post, how the wife's role should look in the context of family. So, today, we come to the husband's proper role.
But, before proceeding, let's be reminded that these instructions are being given to a formerly pagan people who have heard the gospel of Jesus Christ and have accepted Him as Savior and Lord. In other words, these admonitions are to a people whose primary relationship, that is, their relationship with God is right. This is key. The last post and this one deal with some of the most controversial passages in the Bible, for the unbeliever. The reason for the vitriolic reaction "the world" has to these passages is because the unsaved have not yet gotten right the most important relationship of all - - - that is, their relationship with God. Once that is made right, then God's design for other relationships can be understood and put into practice.
Moving on into 1 Peter 3, we encounter this command to husbands, as part of God's design for the family:
Husbands, in the same way, treat your wives with consideration as the weaker partners and show them honor as fellow heirs of the grace of life. In this way nothing will hinder your prayers.
1 Peter 3:7 (NET)
Basically, what this verse speaks to me is that husbands need to be mindful that their wives have been created differently. There are differences between men and women, male and female. While those differences are complementary in many ways, there are also times when the differences are like trying to put the + ends of two magnets together...the closer they get to one another, the more they repel one another. As one of my former pastors quipped, "Opposites attract...and then they attack!" Peter has to tell men that women are different. Women instinctively know that men are! They don't need to be told this. "Male and female created He them." (Genesis 1:27)
A companion New Testament passage which speaks to relationships between husbands and wives is from Paul, in Ephesians 5:25-33.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
I'm so burdened by what I see going on in our society, inside our families. I'm disgusted by how our families are portrayed on television and in other media. We, as a people, even in the church, have wandered so far from this biblical model.
Synthesizing these two passages, what do we find must characterize each partner's role in the family?
First, both husband and wife must remember that they are co-heirs in the grace that is ours in Jesus Christ. Husbands don't get a greater portion of that grace; neither do wives. Neither role is superior; both are necessary.
Husbands:
- love your wives in the same manner that Christ loves His Church. This implies tremendous sacrifice, giving her your whole heart. A husband who does this will rarely have to remind his wife of her role.
- nourish and cherish your wives, in order to help them grow deeper into their relationship with Jesus; celebrate the ways your wives are different from you and how they complement you.
- let your highest earthly loyalty be to your wife; don't let anyone or anything get between you, including parents, children, friends or activities. Wives need to feel secure in your love, that you esteem her above everyone else and that she can trust you to care for her.
Wives:
- recognize that your husbands are the leaders of your homes. When agreement cannot be achieved, defer to your husbands' authority. This is part of respecting your husbands. Sometimes, in hindsight both of you will realize that the husband was right. Other times, he will be proven wrong. That is not the point. No one "bats 1000". Regardless, your husbands, in order to properly fulfill their roles as leaders MUST have your respect. It is their #1 need from you.
- live a life of holy beauty (see the previous post)
- be responsive to their needs. Let me just put it plain as the wife of a happy husband. Men who have their physical needs taken care of are happy husbands. So, keep them well-fed and happy in bed. Make your home a place they want to be, and the godly husband will not want to wander.
For those of us who live in the "modern" world, we take a healthy marriage relationship model for granted. What we fail to realize is that this teaching from Peter and Paul was revolutionary to the early-Christian world. Except for the Jewish people, who generally treated wives with care (although they were exceptions), the majority of the world viewed women as the possessions of men. They were esteemed lower than the male children of the family. The gospel of Jesus Christ has been the greatest civilizing force of the past 2000 years, and women have the gospel to thank for their "advancement" in the USA and in the West.
I am not a perfect wife, nor is my husband a perfect husband. However, both of us do our best to follow the model presented in these passages. I know that, at times, this has been difficult for both of us. My personality is quite strong, and it is a work of God in my heart to let my husband lead. Like God, my husband is naturally very loving toward me, even when I am "unlovely". We have extremely different approaches to solving problems. We have different needs. It is amazing that God put two such different people together. But, through us, His supernatural grace is revealed to our children and to the world. What a blessing to be able to show to an unbelieving world a microcosm of how Jesus Christ loves His Church!
Good morning, Lord! Thank you for the clear instructions You have given to us, regarding how to build godly families. Please do a mighty work in our hearts, as it is only through mutual selflessness from the Holy Spirit that such a beautiful picture of Christ and His Church can be achieved. In Jesus' name, amen.
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